Mass Effect - Sorrowful Hearts
by Jamesanimefan
Summary: This was the first fan fiction I ever wrote. It takes place during Mass Effect 2 shortly before Tali's loyalty mission. The sequel to this, "Sorrowful Hearts 2 - The Conclusion", takes place during & after Mass Effect 3 and was written a year later.


Tali was lost in her thoughts while in the Normandy's elevator. The rides between decks were normally quick, but today they felt like hours. She wanted to speak with Shepard, but every time she thought about him her heart would sink. Something was bothering her. Something wasn't right. Why did she feel this way? The quarian had thought about him many times and it was only in his absence that she had ever felt this way. But this was his ship. This was the Normandy and Shepard was only a call away if she needed to see him.

Pacing the elevator's small space only made her mind wander further till finally she stopped to rest her helmet against the wall. She started thinking about her father then. And that's when it hit Tali like a cold shower. She was worried what her father would think. Permission had been given to help her friend against the Collector threat, but what Rael didn't know was his daughter was in a romantic relationship with a human. Tali wanted to tell him, but knowing her father she shied away for fear of what he would say. Rael would not approve. It didn't matter that they had saved the Citadel together. It didn't matter that they now faced an even greater threat than Saren and his geth. It didn't even matter that Shepard might have destroyed more geth than anyone Rael knew. Tali was the daughter of an admiral in the quarian flotilla, and certain things were expected.

By this point Tali was swimming in worry. Her head hurt badly and her heart was the same. In one direction thoughts of responsibility pulled one way while feelings of love tore Tali the other. She needed someone to tallk to, someone who might understand. The quarian could not go to her boyfriend and while she thought about Garrus, in the end he would make light of it and pick with her. Even if he meant well, that's not what she needed right now.

"Keelah!", Tali said as she realized why the elevator ride was taking so long. So lost in thought, she never noticed that she had just been moving between decks the whole time. Never got off at Engineering and now was wondering how many people might have stepped into the elevator while she was in here, gotten off at their stop, all the while she was staring at a wall.

Tali sighed with disappointment then decided to go to the Crew Deck instead. Once there it was off to the lounge where Kasumi stayed. It was known that Kasumi often cloaked around the ship spying on others, but lately since retrieving her graybox, she just stayed in her little area. So lost in memories of lost love, that not much else interested her anymore.

The lounge door opened and sure enough Kasumi was sitting down with her graybox activated. "Sorry to interupt but I somehow knew you would be here," said Tali as she walked in and sat down across from Kasumi. Moments later Kasumi turned off the graybox and shifted into another position.

"Oh hi, Tali. How are you?"

"Not good."

"Why the long face?", asked Kasumi.

"How can you see my face through the visor?", asked Tali in an amused voice.

"I can't. But I can see your eyes and by direction can imagine the emotion on your face."

"Good trick.", she said feeling kind of relieved. "For a second there I was thinking you learned to see through objects."

"Oh the technology is there, for a price."

"What?!", Tali asked shockingly.

"Nevermind. It's not important. Something is clearly bothering you." Kasumi cut her off quickly to change the subject.

Tali stared across at her for a few seconds and decided not to persue. Under normal circumstances she might not have let it drop. But today wasn't a normal day. There was nothing normal about how she was feeling and certainly nothing normal about their mission. She needed someone to talk to about this stuff, not go off on technological tangets.

The quarian leaned forward saying, "I need someone to talk to about a matter I am having a hard time sorting out."

Peering back under her hood, Kasumi shot back quickly, "I'm not the ship's counselor, Tali. Isn't that why The Illusive Man brought Kelly on board? She's certainly better suited to the task."

"That's just it. She's Cerberus and I don't know if I can trust her yet." She paused for two seconds and said, " And I need a friend right now. Not someone to pyscho-analyze me."

"Oh I don't know, Kelly seems like a nice girl. Her heart's in the right place, anyway."

"You don't have to if you don't want to..."

"No, Tali. It's fine. I was just thinking about Keiji."

"You must of loved him a great deal."

Kasumi looked down at the floor in silence. She was hiding her loss well, but that didn't stop the pain. She replied, "Yes."

"You hide it well, you know.", said Tali who was now looking at the floor herself. "You must be a strong woman. I don't think I would have handled things so well."

"Tali, as much as I apprieciate you saying so, I'd rather not talk about it."

"I understand. Maybe I came to you because I had no one else to talk to about this, or perhaps it is because you have a unique perspective right now."

While Kasumi was waiting for her to elaborate further, she stood up and walked over to the bar. Tali was still staring at the floor. Whatever she wanted to talk about must be getting to her. Kasumi didn't know if she should break the silence herself, or let Tali work out what she wanted to say. She brought a drink back to her favorite spot, got comfortable, and then broke the silence. "Are you worried about Shep?"

Tali looked up torn away from her thoughts, "Shepard? No." A few awkard moments went by and she continued, "It's more my father. I'm worried what he will say once he finds out that my boyfriend is human."

"Tali, you aren't the first girl to worry about her father not liking her boyfriend. I'd say that's normal."

"If my father wasn't an admiral it might be different. But certain things are expected of me."

Kasumi took a sip from the glass, then said, "Do you love Shepard?"

Tali rose from her seat and walked over to the window. She stared out into the depth of space and said, "Yes. I am in love with him. And I have been for a while."

"Do you think he loves you?" asked Kasumi.

"I don't know. I mean I think so. He seems to care. He admits to having feelings for me, but I don't know how deep they go. I've never been in a relationship with a human before. If he were quarian, I'd know. At least I'm pretty sure I'd know."

"Tali, if he was a quarian, we wouldn't be having this conversation."

Tali looked back at her saying, "I suppose you're right. But what do you do when your head is telling you one thing and your heart another?"

"I don't have all the answers. But if it were me, I wouldn't worry about it so much. If you love each other, then let it go and enjoy it. Life is short..." Kasumi thought for a second and said, "Unless you're an asari. But you're not. And with the mission we're on, there's no knowing if we'll make it back. Enjoy happiness where you can find it, Tali."

Tali nodded and said, "I suppose you're right. Thank you for the talk." Walking toward the door she stopped briefly to turn back to Kasumi saying, "You know, you should try to move on yourself. You can't live inside that graybox forever. That is if we make it back from this mission."

Kasumi had already activated the graybox from the moment after Tali had gotten out the words "thank you". Lost in lost love and memories of happier past moments in time.

Tali left the lounge and was headed toward the elevator when she got a message over her comlink. "Tali, you have a message coming in from the quarian fleet".

"Thanks. I'll take it when I get to Engineering."


End file.
